I’ve been in Second Life long enough to know how it goes. Around May, when the weather starts getting better, I start to lose interest in Second Life. Each time I think that maybe it’s time to quit. I log on less and less. All of a sudden it’s been 2 months without logging on. Then, come mid-September, as it’s getting colder I start craving my online life back.
So, what I’m trying to say is; I’m taking a break. I won’t be logging on as often and when I do it’s only going to be business. So this blog will be hibernating for a while.
This is probably the most personal blog I will ever post to this site, it’s mainly about my real life and how I struggled with bullying. It can for some be hard to read, so please be warned. If you’re especially sensitive, stop reading now.
My name is Kissowa Kamachi, and I have been bullied.
It all started in 3rd grade. I had become one of the few of my age to have gotten my period and started puberty. I was keeping this a secret from my friends and classmates, because no one wants to be first, right?
Time comes for vaccination and through a very unfortunate mistake where the school-nurse had left my papers out on the desk and another pupil to saw it, My secret was out.
To make matters worse, this was around the same time I got glasses. You can imagine.
I had three main antagonists, where one of them I thought was my best friend. That alone crushed me. I got things thrown after me, things said to my face and behind my back and even had boys acting like my new tits where their property to do with what they wanted.
When puberty was no longer a novelty and I had gotten contact lenses, the bullying started to be about my weight. I believed them. I thought I was huge and grotesque. I’ve seen the picture from this time and let me tell you, I’d kill for that body now.
But that’s how it works, it’s never about puberty, weight, glasses or anything else you can dream up. It’s the hierarchy and someone has to be at the bottom for someone to be on the top, or so it seems.
I had my first depression at 10. I was an insomniac at 13. I had “Suicidal Tendencies” written all over my charts even before I was 15. To this day I have problems with both anxiety, insomniac and depression. Because three girls chose me to be the at the bottom.
I want to point out that I don’t blame these girls. I blame their parents. To get a hold of this huge problems, it’s the adults that need education. They need to know what actually goes on with their kids. The good, the bad, the ugly and the downright heartbreaking.
We need to teach our children that being popular doesn’t automatically mean someone else has to be unpopular. Teach them what matters. Teach them to be real, good and honest kids.We need to teach them to be human beings and it needs to start at a very early age. Do your part, talk to a child about bullying. Maybe you’ll teach them something. Maybe they’ll teach you something.
I haven’t been around on the interwebz much lately and there is a reason for that. The one thing I spend the most time with in this world is dying.
My Razer Death Adder. My mouse. It’s gone completely haywire and it just makes me want to shoot it. Then set it on fire. And throw it out the window. And shoot it again. It double-click when I single-click, click when don’t click, aborts drag and drop and is just generally a big fat mess.
Now, I bought this mouse early -07, so it’s been a good run for the money, don’t get me wrong. But I love this mouse, it’s perfect for my hand, got just the right amount of buttons and isn’t overly sensitive, but not slow either. This is a great loss for me. Also, I can’t afford to buy the Re-spawn Death Adder right now. So I’m sad and I don’t want to be on the interwebz anymore. I’ll be back when I’ve robbed a bank or borrowed some mouse-cash from Mom. Mouse-cash. Now that’s a word-combo I thought I’d never use.
Today it’s been exactly three years since I read about Second Life in the newspaper. Being the nerd that I am I signed up instantly and logged in to explore this new world and all it’s said possibilities (and porn). I didn’t like it at all. I couldn’t figure out the controls, I couldn’t make my avatar look nicer and I couldn’t find any people anywhere. So I actually logged out and didn’t come back for several months.
Next time I logged on it was because I had heard that the Swedish Institute was opening the first ever Virtual Embassy inside Second Life. I logged on with the goal to work at said embassy. Having a goal and a bit more nerd-meat on my bones I actually started navigating through Second Life, customized my avatar, found a club with people. First ever taken picture of me is from August 2007, some months after my rez-day.
I may have a slight case of head-desk when I look at this picture today, but when I look closer she isn’t much different form the avie I have today.
I wore leather pants, I had black hair and I was obviously very metal.
I actually did end up working for the Swedish Embassy, with real-life pay and everything, which is probably one of the biggest reasons as to why I ended up staying so long. I made great friendships that still stand strong today. Second Life also allowed me to explore other sides of my creativity, I’ve been (and in some cases still are) a DJ, dancer, club-owner, photographer and designer.
So all in all I’ve had a good three years and here’s to three more even better.
